gentlewoman 2 webHow to Find Men Me

I always skipped those ‘How To Get a Man’ articles in magazines. I was into me. I wasn’t into men. I’d rather devote energy reading books that uplifted me.” –My Wife

And that’s exactly how she got my attention…by not paying me any. It would cost her too much. She was too preoccupied with loving herself to simply be swayed by my swagger. My style wasn’t enough. My smile wouldn’t sustain her. She was more concerned with who she was meant to be than who she was meant to be with. And I liked that!

This might sound ironic coming from an author who dedicated an entire chapter in my latest book, GENTLEWOMAN: Etiquette for a Lady, from a Gentleman, to dating, but the statement above is entirely accurate. Enough with the “How to Find a Man” movies, books, articles, columns, commercials and quotes! Did I just shoot myself in the foot?

Society is sending the wrong message and everyone is listening, but not enough women are listening to themselves. Your soul lets you know when your mind and body are prepared for romance. You were born with what you need. Having a man is only the icing on life’s cake. The sun doesn’t look to electrical outlets for power. Stop searching in relationships for the thing you should be supplying for yourself. We all have the desire to be accepted, but an unhealthy eagerness for it can leave a lady single, desperate and lonely. When a woman is truly secure and ready for love, a good man will take notice.

Don’t worry about the dates other women go on. Stop comparing your training to her highlight reel. Maybe she’s mastered the art of loving herself. We’re attracted to that. Don’t question your worth because you don’t get the same kind of attention another woman gets. Some men only go after what’s easily attainable. Perhaps you wouldn’t want that kind of attention if you knew what it came with. Don’t grow weary in doing well. Be unmoved in your high heels, head held high and high standards. A relationship won’t help you if you haven’t helped yourself.

Ignore your mother’s rants about finding a husband. Inform her that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. You weren’t put on this earth to give your parents grandbabies. You’re too busy loving yourself, so if a man desires your time, he’ll have to love you more. It’s foolish to discount a woman’s accomplishments because she’s unmarried. Marriage is a choice, not an obligation.

The reality is a happily single person is just as happy as a happily married person. Focus on happy, not status. You’re too excellent to be worried about spending your life alone. Several men aren’t thinking about marriage, but there are several who are. That’s no concern of yours. Your concern should be you. I can’t stress enough that we pay attention to you when you pay attention to you. A woman’s greatest assets and attributes are revealed when she’s on her own journey of self-discovery. At your very best, you will attract the exact person intended for you. No gimmicks required

So sit back. Relax. Have some wine. Get to know you. Enjoy life and see what it brings. Good things are happening. Be a part of those things. Be fulfilled without a full calendar and your cell phone ringing. Eat out alone. Enjoy a movie by yourself. That’s how men find you…when you find you.

It’s no wonder “me” comes before “men.” In order to secure the latter, you must secure the aforementioned.


– Enitan Bereola, II

Bereola is the award-winning & bestselling author of BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He’s also the go-to columnist, public speaker, style & etiquette impresario and celebrity ghostwriter. He’s set to release his next book entitled, “GENTLEWOMAN this month! Visit:, Twitter & Facebook for more info.

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