Remember that Musiq Soulchild song “Newness?” I do. I remember agreeing with every single lyric. I too was addicted to the newness of a relationship. But I had a problem. I needed new girls like geeks need the next iPhone (though nothing is ever wrong with their current iPhone). If I got bored with one girl, there was always another in arm’s reach. I loved newness so much so that I would get to know 10-15 girls at the same time. Everything was cool when love was all brand new.
“What type of work you do? / Are you still in school? / Or do you have any kids? / Now if you did it’s alright / See I’m the type that don’t mind / ‘Cause I can understand that things happen sometimes / By the way I’m wondering / Are you cool with your family? / ‘Cause I would like to meet your parents someday / Let’s hang out this weekend / Maybe we can begin something wonderful and beautiful / Cause everything is cool / When love is all brand new …”
What happens when you narrow your sum of some to just one and you’re prepared to commit? You get together and everything is cool ‘cause the love is all brand new. Then it happens! Months go and years pass. The love becomes stale. Rotten, even. What happens when you adjust to her smile and his jokes aren’t funny any more?
Amnesia is the inability to retrieve information that was acquired before a particular date. Romantic amnesia is inability to retrieve information that was acquired before a dinner date. One is by choice. The other isn’t.
It’s sad, but true: We get her, then forget how we got her and do the bare minimum to keep her. We put all the effort into the pursuit and there’s none left for the relationship. We’re the good guy before the sex and demand a restraining order on the third dinner date after she places her order. The real you begins to surface and your representative fades away following the foreplay. What happened?
It’s a common question consistently communicated: “Why did he change once we started dating?” “Where’s the love?” Well, it’s situational and might have nothing to do with you at all. Maybe they have a newness addiction like I did. Maybe they aren’t into you and don’t have the balls to say so. Whatever the case, it’s a good thing they’re gone before having the opportunity to truly break your heart.
Let people show you who they are before you tell them what you want. Also, allow people to generate a real opinion of you; don’t falsely advertise. Wouldn’t you be pissed off if you spent savings on your dream car only find out it had no interior, then the engine shut down…and the doors fell off?
If you opened the door for her on date one, open it on date 101. Remember how you treated her before she said yes by doing what you did to get her while you’re with her. Don’t stop dating her even though she’s yours. Ladies, remember why he asked you out. Blossoming is beautiful, but maintain the same aura that connected you in the first place. Grow, but don’t change and the flame will remain.
Once you buy a home, you must maintain a home or it’ll fall apart. The same goes for a car. If you expect something to perform well, you must treat it well. The same goes for a relationship. The more you put into it, the more you will get out of it.
– Enitan Bereola, II
Bereola is the bestselling author of BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is also the go-to style & etiquette impresario and public speaker. Bereola is working on his next book, “GENTLEWOMAN: Etiquette for a Lady, from a Gentleman.” For more info, visit: Bereolaesque.com, Twitter & Facebook.