Now the skies could fall / Not even if my boss should call / The world it seems so very small / ‘Cause nothing even matters at all.” –Lauryn Hill

Are you stupid, or does your relationship just make you dumb?

If you received decent grades as a student, then apply the same logic you did in grade school to real life. It’s pointless possessing intellect when it’s abandoned in moments that matter most. And relationships matter.

Are your expectations too high? Are you one of those people with demanding checklists you don’t even meet? Are your expectations too low? Are you willing to sleep with tears as long as you’re sleeping with something? Do you expect good things to happen or bad things? Are expectations not discussed? Have you even thought about expectations? What does expectation mean? If you haven’t asked yourself these questions, you need to be single.

How many times does it have to be said? Quit expecting what hasn’t been discussed. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Communication kills assumption. It all sounds like the basic principles of life, right? If a hungry infant expects food, the infant will cry until a breast is in the infant’s mouth. If a kid expects a weekly allowance, the kid does the agreed upon work in order to keep that piggy bank full. You’re not Christopher Columbus. You can’t just land somewhere and expect something to be yours. When discovering employment, a contract of expectations is agreed upon and signed prior to showing up for work. But when it comes to our love lives, expectations are like Romeny’s income taxes – they exist, but aren’t up for discussion.

Why do we throw away logic in relationships when we value and communicate our expectations in every other aspect of our lives? Take a simple vending machine, for example. When you put your dollar into a vending machine, you expect a damn snack back. If the machine took your dollar without bestowing you your Cheetos, you wouldn’t proceed to empty your wallet into it and give it your all; you would call the complaint number and cuss someone out. So why would you give your all to a partner who gives you nothing in return? What happened to that common sense? Where’d it go? Where’d you put it?

Eliminate ignorance by respect of what you expect. I understand that relationships can make you all mushy and gushy. D’Angelo and Lauryn Hill didn’t sing “Nothing Even Matters” for nothing. It’s true that love is patient, kind, caring, full of hope, not jealous, not pompous and not rude or angry. It’s also not stupid.

Expect the unexpected when there exists no expectations. You’re not as dumb as love makes you out to be. Lowering your expectations can get you a date, but raising your expectations will get you a commitment. Love and intellect can coexist. Figure it out. Don’t be stupid.


– Enitan Bereola, II

Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario and public speaker. He is also the bestselling author of BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up book titled, “GENTLEWOMAN: A Lady’s Etiquette Book from a Gentleman’s Perspective.” Check his Website and @bereolaesque on Twitter as well as Facebook.


  1. Wow, Figure it out. Amazingly simple…but we tend to make it more complex than it needs to be.

  2. I really enjoyed this post. It is true that communication is key in all parts of our life and we use them very well, except when it comes to love/relationships. People to to ask the advisoe of others rather than talk to their partners. I personally, choose to say evenything. I need transparency in all aspects! Great write up.

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