When you think about actress Meagan Good, you might look out of your window and begin to daydream. When you look out your window and daydream, you see your neighbor’s dog peeing on your lawn. When you see your neighbor’s dog peeing on your lawn, it’s likely 9:00 PM EST on a Thursday. When it’s Thursday at 9:00 PM EST, the NBA Finals are on. When the NBA Finals are on, you get overly excited and think you’re Lebron James. And when you think you’re Lebron James, you think you have Lebron James’ salary and suddenly think all women are gold diggers. Don’t end up thinking all women are gold diggers … especially when you have no gold to be dug. Get back to reality.
NBA season has ended, which means wedding season has begun. Although many men are marrying the loves of their lives, several men are running for their lives. There’s a strange fascination with gold digging in our culture and there exists a notion that suggests all attractive women are potential opportunists. Yes, it sounds just as dumb as you read it. Men are afraid of imaginary gold diggers. These phantom bloodsuckers are scaring guys away from and out of love. To their credit, there does exist a sub-culture of attractive women who are indeed gold diggers, but they make up such a minority of overall society that there’s no real cause for fear. Besides, these types of women only go after men with “gold,” so why are so many average Joes so worried about their basic Wells Fargo ‘Opportunity Checking’ Account?
Maybe it was the popularity of Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” anthem that’s gotten so many men so suddenly concerned about their savings. When Mr. West says:
“I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger / But she ain’t messin’ with no broke…”
I think he means men shouldn’t confuse intellect with gold digging. A smart woman should expect to live well and have her needs met if she’s offering the same thing.
Actress Meagan Good was already good, but now she’s all about the Franklin – not Benjamin, but DeVon. Last weekend she exchanged vows with preacher and Columbia Pictures VP DeVon Franklin at a ceremony in Malibu. Meagan is a fine example of a woman who expects a lot from a man, but offers exactly what she expects. It’s completely natural for a woman to look for a man that’s going to be able to take care of her and a potential family. “What we sometimes mistake as ‘gold digging’ is part of the natural process of selecting a life-partner,” says my good friend Tony Blount. “It’s great for my wife to believe in and support me when I have nothing, but she also has a right to demand results. She should expect to live well and have her needs met the same way I expect her to fulfill mine.”
I’ve asked several married men what it was that let each of them know their wife was “the one.” The most common response: “She loved me when I had nothing.” It’s no requirement, but if you love us when we have nothing, we owe you the world when we have it all.
I don’t think the average Joe is really worried about being attacked by gold diggers. I think he’s just concerned with a woman loving him for who he is, despite what he has at the moment. I used to have the same mentality as Joe. In college I thought pretty women were after my money – but what money? I was just a broke and bourgeois college student. Due to experiences with a select few, I ignorantly assumed most pretty women at my institution were high maintenance and only dated NBA players. I knew I didn’t offer much financially, but I offered priceless laughs, love and good times. That’s what the issue was for me and is for most men. At the end of the day you need to have security in yourself … and Social Security.
Not every woman who wants to go out on a fancy dinner date is a gold digger and not every man who refuses to fund that type of date is cheap. We need to get to a place of understanding that suggests we all deserve what we offer and have the potential to offer.
– Enitan Bereola, II
Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the bestselling author of BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up book – “GENTLEWOMAN: Etiquette for a Lady from a Gentleman.” Check his website Bereolaesque.com and @bereolaesque on Twitter as well as Facebook.