Will You Be My Wifey?

What in the hell is a “wifey”? Microsoft Word doesn’t even recognize my typing it in this word processor. Why are so many men gifting women with the title and why are so many ladies gladly accepting?

In 2000, the R&B/Soul trio Next coined the word with their hit single, “Wifey.”

You never try me / Always stood right by me / Make living lively / Highly spoken of, my only love / The only one, you’re my wifey / Make my life complete, sweet / But you know when to flip it street / Freak, but only when it comes to me / See that’s why you’re my wifey.

Cool flow and neat lyrics, but why not be a man and drop the ‘y’?

“Wifey” is giving her Moscato, 2012 when she asked for Dom Pérignon, 1966 – far, but no cigar. “Wifey” is floating somewhere between a relationship and a marriage, but it’s not a fiancée. It’s like teasing a baby by dangling a toy in its face just enough so it’s content, but they sure as hell can’t have it. It’s that gray area that allows rules to be bent, broken and belittled without any real consequence. This wifey phrase allows B.S. to take place without the responsibilities and commitment of a marriage. If you’re just a wifey, you can’t hold him accountable for certain things. Wifies don’t wear a ring. They don’t have a ceremony, a certificate or any tax breaks. All they have is a slightly elevated title designed to keep them happy yet at bay while we go play.

A wife is a woman with a mutual lifetime commitment to a man in a God-sanctioned union – A wifey is just a really great friendship. The Bible’s and law’s definition of husband and wife are correct. Any other interpretation is your imagination. There exists no religious, local ordinance, state statue, or public policy for the title of a wifey. If you think marriage is just a piece of paper, then your marriage will just be a piece of paper. But if you fully understand the depth, love and sanctity of marriage, then that’s what you will experience. Your wifey won’t give you a kidney, but your wife will.

Marriage is progression. It’s a different level of commitment. You make any and every sacrifice in order to stay committed. Your dating relationship isn’t till death do you part – it’s till something better comes along or something breaks you apart. God forbid if your boyfriend dies, there’s a funeral. When your husband dies, there’s life insurance, automatic asset transfers, retirement, 401k and social security just to name a few things. Differences and fights break a relationship, but not a marriage. There’s more honor to the union. When you fail, you both fail; when you win, both win. True love stands the test of time.

Ladies, this is for you: Stop being the girlfriend before the relationship and stop being the wife(y) before the marriage. There’s a huge difference between display of potential and fully taking on a roll that isn’t yours. The problem with playing wife when you’re not is simple – you’re not. When you keep giving your all away to various boyfriends, you’ll keep getting played until you have nothing left of yourself. This doesn’t mean to be selfish and give nothing, but no man should ever have the opportunity of draining you dry. It’s okay to do nice things and be generous in a relationship, but there have to be boundaries set for a relationship and marriage. You decide what those boundaries are. Just because America’s lost its traditional values doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. Everyone has baggage but we all deserve to share certain things in a marriage that haven’t been shared or experienced with anyone else.

Gentlemen, this is for you: To hell with all your car analogies about needing to test drive before purchase – a lady isn’t a vehicle, she’s a lady. You’ve strung women along long enough. How many times do you need to taste the fish before throwing it back in the sea? Expecting a single lady to act married is like denying the responsibility of a job, but expecting a paycheck. And referring to her as “wifey” so she feels special enough while you do your thing is some elementary school playground type ish. Call it what it is. Stop expecting so much out of a relationship unless you’re willing to progress the relationship. We know an amazing lady when we see one, so be an amazing man and plan to step up and put something grand on her hand.

Life is about progression and so are relationships. You don’t get your PhD prior to pre-school. Privileges are elevated when vows are escalated. I used to struggle with this concept at one point. I wanted to give my all and expected the same in return. But we all want what we’re not yet ready for. I had to become a man first. I’ve never asked a woman to be my wifey, but I did ask a lady to be my wife. And that’s the way it should be. When I used to say, “This is my girlfriend,” she was still available at the end of the day – but to say, “This is my wife,” means something entirely different.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled …” –Hebrews 13:4

Pleasantries.

– Enitan Bereola, II

Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the bestselling author of BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Check his website Bereola.com and @bereolaesque on Twitter as well as his Facebook fan page

11 Comments

  1. Chris Behave says:

    Let’s be real…how many woman choose to lay for a man, knowing the possiblity of getting pregnant? Now how many of those woman actually do get pregnant? Now out of those woman, how many have wanted to be married, if not because of the mutual act to perceive a child but to reach their life long goal? Now many of those woman actually get married? Now how many of those woman actually think they made the better choice? And now how many of those woman eventually get divorced because of the stupid idea that the man she:
    1. Met
    2. Grown to like (or live in some cases)
    3. Laid with (had sex with)
    4.

  2. deliela says:

    Love it

  3. Seanpierre Adams says:

    Boy this sounds familiar, I wrote about this same subject over a year ago called ” Wife vs Wifey. ” Good word.

  4. Gioserene says:

    Hey Brother.
    Amazing Post.
    Brief but deep.

    Thank you. God bless you.

  5. Bryan J. Wells says:

    Ahahahhahaha NO.

    Sorry, but if she’s truly “wifey”, she’s most likely engaged to the guy or in a monogamous relationship with the guy. The status denotes a woman who you plan on spending the rest of your life with; she’s not the “homey-lover-friend” that the “boo” status implies, nor is she “side-piece” or “jump-off” material. This. Is. The. ONE. That’s what the status implies, and anyone telling you different (applying the status to a female while they “go play”) is lying to themselves.

    No hatred mang, but had to call you out on it. Not everyone is in a place where marriage (and all its legal accouterments) is a good idea, but everyone deserves to be in a relationship. And until you’re “man enough” to be able to afford to plunk down 3 months salary, the title–and then the actions to go along with it–is acknowledgement enough (which is all she really wants).

  6. Allie says:

    I could not help but smile at some parts while reading this.
    “But if you fully understand the depth, love and sanctity of marriage, then that’s what you will experience. Your wifey won’t give you a kidney, but your wife will.” I fully understand. And though I’m not married to the man I completely and passionately love, who feels the same towards me, I would give him my kidney.

  7. Andrea J. says:

    Please correct your article… It’s “role” not “roll.” Thank you

  8. Deanna Wallace says:

    I’m turning 30 this year so this article really hit home for me. I look forward to meeting my friend–>Boyfriend–>Husband but with lessons from my twenties to be wiser and not take on responsibilities that are not mine as girlfriend. I know the right one exists, because I exist. I’m mature enough to realize that blessings are manifested in stages, levels and seasons. My blessing has yet to be manifested. Thank you so much for this article because it is nothing but the truth…a reminder that just loving me or being your girlfriend isn’t enough. A man needs to show a woman you are enough and so much more that a lifetime with that woman is all he wants in his future, and I need to stay in my lane and quit taking on roles I’ve not been given. Lesson learned. Always great hearing it from a man’s perspective.

  9. This is really,really wonderful. Butt we always learn the hard way . If everyone could read and correct the ideology,the world ‘ll be a better place.

  10. SL says:

    AMAZING! Couldnt be more true!

  11. Nana says:

    Wow!!! Thank you for this

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