Soul Hold

iStock_000009134777XSmallShe’s always in a rush, so I got her a speedy… Damier.

And it seems the more Louis Vuitton bags a man buys a lady, the more comfortable she gets. And the more comfortable a lady gets, the more likely she is to slow down – it’s a form of control. As she decelerates in her Louboutin heels, she places less and less focus on her talents, goals and dreams, and more focus her man. The glare of materialism is blinding which explains the rise in sunglasses worn at night. This is the tragic American story that several women are facing – putting their own goals on hold for a relationship that has as much of a future as Cassie’s singing career.

After reluctantly watching a VH1 show with a misleading title about the single exes of athletes, I’m convinced that too many rich minds are putting affordable dreams on layaway. It’s no wonder why a catchy song like Jazmine Sullivan’s “Holding You Down” gets nominated for a Grammy. With lyrics like “I’m going in circles, circles / Round and round / And while you’re doing me so wrong / I just keep holding you down,” it seems like a lot of women can relate.

Now I’m not suggesting that women be unsupportive of their men, but I am suggesting that women smarten up. Too many times we’re out pursuing our dreams while you support us emotionally and we support you financially. And while you’re investing in us, you lose site of yourself and your goals. We may have bought you the sexy car you drive, but with no drive, you’re not that sexy. Men and women are both attracted to ambition and a relationship works best when a couple is supportive of each other’s goals.

Gentlemen, this is for you: You may be taking her shopping and keeping her fly, but showering her with gift bags weighs down her wings and prevents her from flying. Her goals aren’t for sale. Just like you, she has a purpose in life and as much as you support her financially, you must support her personal goals as well. Paying a pretty lady to forfeit her dreams and sit at home waiting for you isn’t a relationship, it’s prostitution. A good lady makes a decent man great, and a great man understands her career matters too.

Ladies, this is for you: Loyalty is sexy, stupidity isn’t. While many of you are “holding your men down,” you’re holding your future down even further. Too many women have gone missing, lost in relationships. Never allow the comfort of financial security from a man deter you from getting and having your own. If money is your concern, get a job. Try being a goal-digger, gold-digging is so 2010.


— Enitan Bereola, II

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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at and at

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