…But the ladies will read it anyway.
Ladies want to know the way men think. They would like to know why we have double standards, why we lie and lead them on, why we’re not upfront, why we’re so afraid to commit, why we don’t completely answer questions, why we have a hard time communicating and when there will be an answer to all of these questions. But Beyoncé Knowles already gave up all the answers in her song, “If I were A Boy.”
No male artist has the audacity to create a rebuttal for Beyoncé’s song because I’m not sure we’d bother giving a listen to a song titled, “If I Were A Girl.” Yet we still have so many questions about women that remain unanswered. The sole problem that most men have with women is the way we communicate with them. We simply don’t understand how “yes” can mean “no” and why “nothing is wrong” means something is definitely wrong and it needs to be addressed not now, but right now.
This gap in communication has caused break-ups, affairs and irreconcilable differences ending in divorce. Understanding women is only half the battle. Communicating with women is like trying to send a text message in the desert–you attempt to deliver your message, but it just won’t go through. This may sound a bit harsh, but often the communication barrier is so thick simply because men and women think and interpret information differently. Want to see what I mean?
Gentlemen, this is for you: When she says, “just kidding,” she’s telling the damn truth. When she points out something sweet another man does, she wants you to do it too–make sure you do it better. Telling her she’s acting crazy is the worst way to get her to stop acting crazy. If she looks upset, she’s upset; and she’s mad at you for you not knowing why she’s mad at you. If she asks, “Is that what you’re wearing,” she probably wants you to change. Sometimes she pushes you away to see if you’re willing to come forward. If she leaves upset, follow her. When she cries, it’s best to hold her tight and not say a word. Women test our reactions; they observe and judge our every action, expression, word and gesture. She notices how long it takes you to respond to a text message and analyzes why it took that long. Women create a connection and sense of intimacy through communication; her personal questions aren’t intended to invade your privacy so open up.
Ladies, this is for you: Since I know you’ll sneak and read this column that’s strictly for men, please understand that most of us aren’t mind readers and barely any of us can decipher your cryptic code. We always wonder what you want, but it’s tragic when you wonder the same thing. Stay single until you find out because at a certain point, you’re responsible for how you’re treated.
Communication kills assumptions! The more we attempt to understand each other, the more we can begin to love one another. Men and women desire the same thing–to be loved. It’s the way in which we seek out love and attention that causes so much friction. We may speak different languages but that’s the beauty of it. Love is the language that a deaf woman can hear and a blind mind can see. Let’s get back to love… let’s get into that.
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
