Who can deny the infectious baseline and melodic notes of Alicia Keys’ “Unthinkable”? Men are captivated by the beautiful texture of her soothing voice, and women delighted by the honesty saturated in her lyrics. She sings, Moment of honesty, someone’s got to take the lead tonight / Whose it gonna be / I’m gonna sit right here / And tell you all that comes to me / If you have something to say / You should say it right now.
Well let me say this right now–Alicia’s soothing voice just isn’t soothing enough to get most men to settle down. The vast majority of men aren’t ready for that “relationship talk” and if they are, they don’t even know where to begin. No matter how sexy her body and intellectually stimulating her conversation, a woman’s constant inquiries concerning “the future” will cause some men to run fast to the past.
Running from a woman isn’t the most masculine act a man can commit, but intense relationship pressure from the other side doesn’t make it easy to stay. Some women are so desperately avoiding an empty bed that they’ve begun sleeping with broken hearts. They think a piece of man is better than no man and the want to lock down whatever he’s offering. Other women have nurtured the early stages of a passionate relationship and simply want to elevate to the next stage–a commitment.
But the problem lies in the approach. Being upfront is admirable, but being too upfront too early can backfire. Even a gentleman doesn’t care to be bombarded with relationship talk on the first date. It’s important for a lady to make clear her intentions and expectations, but timing is everything.
Ladies, this is for you: Texting him ten times a day to ask over and over where the relationship is going will get you an answer quickly–nowhere! It’s our job to chase you. What fun is hunting if the deer surrenders? Some men are more fascinated with the chase than the actual gain. You don’t always get what you want, but you get what you need–so want what you need. You have to strike a healthy and delicate balance in letting a man know what you stand for and expect, while still allowing progression to happen naturally. We don’t always go into situations looking for relationships but we get into them because we recognize a good lady when we see one. Forcing yourselves onto us will create a force field around us and block you. The price for sex is marriage and the price for a relationship is commitment–it’s difficult to ask a man to pay for either when you’ve been giving away both for free. Set boundaries and state intentions early and you won’t have to bring up “the talk” at all … we will gladly do it for you.
Gentlemen, this is for you: When she says, “you don’t communicate,” she means, “what’s up with us and this relationship?” Sometimes women won’t be blunt with us in order to protect our ego. No matter what words she chooses, her body language displays her real emotions. Learn to decipher some of her codes and don’t keep her waiting unnecessarily. She loves to be courted; she wants you to want her; seek her out, if you do, she won’t forget it. She’ll love you like you’ve never been loved before. As men, we feel like there has to be this right moment to get into a relationship. We think things have to be perfect, and our money has to be right, and maybe if the timing were different; but the timing is perfect. You know she’s the right one when you display unnecessary resistance. The true beauty and essence of a woman is contagious and can’t be contained in a space of waiting. If you don’t make a move, someone else will. Act right and don’t get left. Why wait for eventually? If you have something to say, you should say it right now.
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
