In the 1950s, sociologist Robert F. Winch proposed a theory within the human laws of attraction that opposites attract–I wasn’t born yet. In the 1989 version of “Opposites Attract,” Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat went back and forth with the lyrics “Our friends are saying we ain’t going to last / Cause I move slowly / and baby I’m fast / I like it quiet and I love to shout / But when we get together / It just all works out.”
I was 7 years old – I didn’t understand the lyrics, but I liked the song. In 1995, I had a crush on a girl that was taller than me, smarter than me and work harder than me. We were complete opposites, but for a few days I made her my middle school girlfriend. At that moment, it finally occurred to me that opposites do attract.
Ms. Abdul and my ex-girlfriend all proved to me that most people are attracted to those whose needs conversely match his/her own. Broke people are attracted to folks with money, the shy are attracted to the verbose, and the straight laced are often attracted to the witty. But when is the law of attraction taken too far? Women are lowering their standards to ensure their beds aren’t empty and men are using the law of attraction as an excuse to be average. We’ve become complacent with our flaws due to a disbelief that they contribute to the reasons why ladies are attracted to us.
Some guys with 4.0 G.P.As front like they’re dumb, all for the attention of women. These characters are smart enough to know that opposites attract, but dumb enough to force the theory. Before we focus on the law of attraction, we need to focus on being equally yoked.
Though your opposite may attract you, being equally yoked will sustain you. Don’t be fooled by the initial spark that occurs when you meet your opposite–that spark isn’t enough to ignite the flame to cause the fire that helps maintain hot relationships. When seeing someone from a different background as yours, be realistic of your contrasting lifestyles. Determine whether you’re truly prepared to embrace your partner’s differences. Dating someone of a higher social status, of a different religion or different culture may seem like acceptance initially, but eventually you may lose your own identity entirely. Sure opposites attract, but to be unequally yoked is to be placed into a detached state–isolated.
Ladies, this is for you: His potential must eventually lead to his progress. Too many women are dating men with expired and outdated potential. If you are succeeding in life and supporting him, and he’s always about to do something but never once has he done anything, it’s time to dispose of that unequal yoke. What good is a seed that has the potential to blossom into a flower, but remains a seed? Undeveloped, undiscovered and misused gifts dishonor God. Our gifts are His investments in us and He deserves His return… and so do you.
Gentlemen, this is for you: Her big booty doesn’t replace intelligence and her face, pretty with make-up, can’t make up for her lack of ambition. Any gold digger with a pretty face will date money with men–I mean men with money, but it takes an equally yoked woman to love, build and support her equally yoked man.
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
* * * *
Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
