They said chivalry was dead – but how can chivalry be dead if I am alive?
A lot of women only think they can get excitement from a bad boy. In the Destiny Child hit single, “Soldier,” the group so beautifully harmonizes the lyrics, “I need a soldier / They ain’t scared to stand up for me / Got to know to get dough / And he better be street.” Well, DC there’s nothing wrong with being courageous, having street sense and getting dough, but a player can’t be a baller without courting.
Being a gentleman doesn’t require suspenders and a bow tie doesn’t mean being a bore. The contemporary gentleman is appealing, intelligent, charming, ambitious, cultured and classic, but most importantly, he’s a man. Ask any woman her definition of the perfect man and she’ll describe a gentleman who knows when not to be gentle. Show her you’re rare. She’ll recognize your value via your scarcity – cook, open doors, and say thank you, but don’t be too courteous to pull her hair. Sure you’re a nice guy, but go ahead and whisper something completely inappropriate in her ear at a completely inappropriate time. She finds it sexy when you’re in control, not controlling. A lady needs to feel secure, so change a light bulb, build a deck, or install a damn ceiling fan every once in a while. Masculinity turns her on.
Being a gentleman has nothing to do with being corny, soft, or stuck up and chivalry has nothing to do with the belief that women are of lesser value than men. We hold open your doors because we love you. We recognize that from the time you wake up till the time you go home, you deal with more than we’d ever be able to handle. When we offer you our umbrellas in the rain, we’re acknowledging that 12 irritating dudes attempted to get your phone number on the way to work and you dealt with a sexually inappropriate boss once you got there. In a world full of aggressive “soldiers” we’re simply being gentle men.
Ladies, this is for you: Make mistakes, don’t date them. Bad boys cheat, beat or become a victim of the streets. Confused girls like bad boys, but ladies prefer a gentleman. Stop claiming you want us but refuse to date us. Demand gentlemen and there will be more gentlemen to select from. Besides, it’s the bitter woman that finishes last, not the nice guy. Once a girl transitions into a lady, she wants a nice guy to marry, but we’re “already home, already.” Best regards.
Potential gentlemen, this is for you: A broke man can afford chivalry. Simply showing a lady that she’s appreciated is far cheaper than attempting to impress her with chains, car and clothes. Being a gentleman is a requirement for any classy lady, and the minute you lose focus is the second another brother takes notice. Stay attentive to her desires. There will always be a gentleman ready to play your position, watching your moves with her from the sidelines. The bench is closer to the court than you think. She’s a holiday, she’s a birthday, she’s a graduation–celebrate her!
Existing gentlemen, this is for you: Embrace exactly who you are. You’re sophisticated, cultured and intelligent. Ladies respond to intelligence while chicks respond to money. Invest in intelligence and it’ll make you more money, ladies, and chicks. And never stop flirting with her even though she’s yours. Kiss the lipstick off her. Celebrate her. If you’ve got a good lady, take her shopping for something nice to wear to the celebration–then be a nice guy and help her take it off [married only].
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
