Going green is sexy?
I’ve always been a fan of money, but I’m not talking about that kind of green. And no, I’m not talking about the green that your favorite rapper indulges in either. Going green, insinuates a broad philosophical and social movement centered on a concern for the conservation and improvement of the natural environment. Jay-Z, Madonna and Russell Simmons are all involved in the movement. It’s incorporated in our fashion, foods and films, but what about our relationships? Who’s into going green on dating and recycling men and women?
Most women subscribe to an unwritten code of conduct that states: If he and I were once in love, thou shall not date my ex.
This unwritten rule is outdated, irrelevant and needs revision. But before I proceed, let’s define love. Real love is patient, real love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered. Real love never fails. Let’s also visit the term, ex.” For relationships, in order to be considered an ex, you had to have been in a relationship. This may sound like common sense, but common sense is officially uncommon.
Connections are like computer files–they can be deleted, but they still remain in the system somewhere. When a couple experiences real love, there is an intense connection created that may remain long after you haven’t. The realization of the connection may arise if stimulated. A possible cause of stimulation is finding out that a friend of yours is now dating the person which you shared that connection with. Rage, irrationality or envy may ensue. But do you have the right to feel that way?
There are several variables to consider with a topic like dating a friend’s ex, but the question remains? Is it ever okay to do it? Yes, it is okay. When you move out of a home, you no longer hold the key to the house. Regardless of what memories you have invested that home, anyone, including your friends is allowed to purchase and move in. The same holds true to relationships. Exes are fair game. Once it’s been decided to move on, you are officially releasing that person out into the world. Having a sense of entitlement or ownership to an ex is like getting fired from a job and still expecting pay!
Ladies, this is for you: The eligibility pool of men is quickly shrinking so dating a friend’s ex may be closer to reality than you imagine. Sometimes life is simply about ration versus emotion and you can’t live life according to feelings – you live life according to TRUTH. If you’ve moved on, but have harbored feelings for an ex, take that up with God, not your friend interested in dating him. When you deal with the real issue of personal insecurities and truly letting go, you will be able to see your friend with an ex, smile and keep it moving with no further thought. If it’s a recent break up or was a serious relationship, the wounds may take longer to heal, but the fact is they must heal. When you let go of something, someone is going to pick it up… and that someone may have a familiar face.
Ladies, if you’re the one deciding to date your friend’s ex, certainly approach her about it before making the decision. If you’ve decided you’re going to go for him, understand that you are taking a risk whether she consents or not. You must determine if the risk is truly worth it.
Gentlemen, this is for you: It’s imperative that you talk to your buddy before making any moves with his ex. Be sure to discuss it when he is alone because men tend to act like everything is all good in the company of other men, even when it’s not. Also, try your best to ensure that the ex isn’t dating you simply to spite your friend and cause drama. If your friend asks your permission to date your ex, it’s up to you to be completely honest with yourself and with him. You have no right to be upset if he asked and you said you don’t care. On the contrary, if he does mind, it would be commendable of you to be an honorable man. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this that one lay down his life for his friends.” This is the greatest act of real love–sacrificing your own free will for the love of another. Be willing to give up your freedom for the comfort of a friend. Sometimes going green isn’t always the healthiest route.
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
