You know him: spatter of dried blood from the punctured skin of a random shirtless rapper, covered in freshly-inked tattoos, an unnecessary middle finger in the air and a cold and lifeless expression on his face–you’d have to pay him to smile. Open any hip-hop magazine and this is the exact image you’ll see. Behold the 2010 man.
Masculinity is a vital component to manhood. It defines the typical characteristics of the male sex. Every man should be masculine. Hyper-masculinity, however, is overcompensation for male insecurity. In fact, most men are insecure. Why do you think we act out? The unnecessary need to cuss and demonstrate blatant disrespect for women fall under the category of hyper-masculinity. We swear radically to express emotion we’re too insecure to express logically, and we disrespect women to gain a sense dominance and control.
Ironically, this act of disrespect categorizes one as being out of control. Mens unhealthy addiction to masculinity is also apparent in fashion. Unfortunately your incredibly over-sized white t-shirt looks like a ladies dress and your sagging jeans reveal your entire behind. I’d say that’s overly-feminine. What message are you really trying to send, gangsta?
Men, we are socially insecure and it’s time to discuss it. We can’t greet each other without following up with a “no-homo” and when we depart, we say “holla” or “I’m out” because saying “goodbye” sounds too feminine. We’d rather show the thug in us, than the love in us because we don’t want to appear emotional. We are trained to shun emotion because it makes us vulnerable in society’s standard of manhood. Men are equally as emotional as women. We just hide it in a mean mug and smoke it away in green drugs.
The only other outlet to express our pain is through rap music or athletics. We’ve become so consumed with masculinity that we are pushing away the very women we intend to attract. We’re even afraid to put on lotion because it’s considered “girly.” What is this, the 5th grade? Ash is whack! Walk around ashy and see how many women you attract. What’s next? Men stop showering in fear of being called feminine?
Men, we need some social security and it’s time to resolve it. Lack of a father figure is no longer a crutch. If you are socially confident, reach out and show other men that we can engage in healthy dialog without the mention of “b****es and h*es.” We’re more intelligent and respectful than that. When we’ve only experienced the fears of man and not the greatness of what we were created to be, we fail to be great. In order to receive, we must first let go.
Confront and let go of old pains, as well as society’s definition of what it means to be a man. Adhere to God’s definition of manhood. If we are walking in the light of God’s presence, then we have fellowship with each other. 1 John 2:11 says, “Anyone who hates his brother is living and walking in darkness. Such a person is lost, having been blinded by the darkness.” We need each other to survive–no homo (pun intended).
Gentlemen, our social interaction has become incredibly too calculated. Not every man who smiles is gay, not every man who accidentally bumps into you wants to fight and not every man who dislikes you is hating on you. We need to come to grips with reality and co-exist in society minus the ridiculous preconception of what masculinity is. Too many boys are trying desperately to be men. But the nature in which you are expressing yourselves will keep you a boy. Get some confidence and security in yourself and your social life –soulcial security.
“I get manicures to keep my cuticle suitable/ Player, Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” – Hip-Hop Artist Rass Kass
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
