“Why you wanna player hate on me?”
“Hi Hater,” “Why You Wanna Player Hate On Me?” Both these songs did fantastically well on the Billboard Top 100. Take a look at the acknowledgments section on the back of album covers and you’ll see artists thanking their haters before thanking God.
As quickly as it became trendy, maybe it’s time for hate to go out of style–both the overused word and the act of hating, itself. It seems like everyone claims that they’re being “hated on” nowadays. Just listen to the lyrics of most hip-hop songs. Or even listen to the average conversations. When I was growing up, you actually had to be doing something to be hated on. Today, folks are just sitting around claiming everyone hates them for the sake of feeling relevant.
Allow me to break down the concept of hate so it shall forever and consistently be broken.
To those claiming to be hated on, this is for you: Don’t oversell yourself. No one is “hating” on you. People are allowed to genuinely dislike you without hating on you. Perhaps it’s your own paranoia stemming from insecurities, not hate. Or maybe your nasty attitude and ugly ways have something to do with it. It just might be your lack of preparation that didn’t get you that job, not because the interviewer “hated” on you. Honesty isn’t always hate, and truth doesn’t hurt, it heals. I understand that weight of the world can make it feel like it’s you against them. But stop using the term “hate” as a crutch to excuse underachievement. If you use crutches too long, you begin to forget that you can actually walk. Hate shouldn’t stunt your growth; it should give you a growth spurt.
To those actually being hated on, this is for you: Matthew 5:11 says, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.” So, have mercy on the lady who always gives you the “ugly face” when you’ve done nothing wrong. You most likely possess something (beauty, confidence, success) that she lacks and hates herself for not having. The brain sees what the heart wants it to feel. It’s comforting to project your own self-hatred onto someone else, because it’s easier to deal with hating someone else than to confront hating yourself. The best rebuttal against hate is love. Hate is darkness and love is light–darkness can’t exist in light. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. Keep using the hate as esteem to power your dream.
Haters, this is for you: Hating doesn’t put food on your table, clothes on your back, or money in your pocket. If you do get paid to hate (Perez Hilton), you’re simply selling your soul and need to refer to some of my previous columns. Figure out a better form of expression.
“Hate is only a form love that hasn’t found a way to express itself logically.” -Lil’ Wayne.
We’re all born great, don’t oversell yourself. Hate hate, and love love.
Pleasantries.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
