Unlike Boyz II Men, many couples are finding it quite easy to say goodbye to yesterday–and today, and tomorrow. It seems severed ties are in fashion and giving up is the latest trend. It’s amazing how we treat each other as if we’re disposable. Usher Raymond insists on reminding us about the bitter bothers of breakup with his hit single “Papers,” where he instructs ladies and gentlemen to repeat after him if we’ve had enough and are ready to sign. The lyrics may be all in fun, but there’s nothing entertaining about saying “so long.”
Breaking up with someone is something that most of us will have to do at some point in our lives. The unfortunate fact is we often mistake someone that God placed into our life for a specific reason, as some sort of soul mate. We’re so eager for love that we reassign people’s purpose and positions in our lives and force ourselves onto them. Then we find out the lady we married was really supposed to be the friend that introduced us to our wife. Oops!
The problem isn’t always coming to grips with the fact that we have to say goodbye, but how to actually say it. There seems to be no proper protocol when it comes to a departure. “John is no longer in a relationship with Gina” – we’ve all seen the random Facebook breakups plastered on our news feed. Usually we find out before the victim does. Using technology to sever ties is common, but certainly quite cowardly. Sometimes we need to get back to the forgotten art of saying, so long.
Contrary to popular belief, breaking up isn’t hard to do. When tossing your significant other to the curb, there are a few courtesies to keep in mind:
- Do it yourself. You can’t send someone else to do your dirty work. It’s the perfect way to burn a bridge. You got yourself into this mess, now get yourself out.
- Face reality. You can’t go around ignoring calls and cutting off communication without breaking up first. Looking the least coward-like is the goal here. GentleMAN up.
- Be upfront. Dropping hints that you’re no longer interested is simply not necessary. Being direct and open will produce the best results, although results may vary.
- Be honest. Falling out of love is just as uncomfortable as falling in–falling is never comfortable. But attempting to make your significant other hate you is simply UNBEREOLAESQUE! Immaturity went out of style with insecurity.
Ladies, this is for you: Common sense would suggest that two people have to be together in order to break up. Unfortunately common sense isn’t so common. Frequent sex and a dinner date doesn’t make him your man. You life doesn’t come with a husband guarantee so you better make sure that you two are on the same page because he might be referencing a different book. When you do decide to break up, break up gracefully and with class. Saying goodbye doesn’t have to be at his eulogy. Put the weapons down and let’s settle this like a lady and a gentleman.
Gentlemen, this is for you: As Jay-Z would say it, “A good girl gone bad is gone forever.” A bad breakup can result in hurt that leads to anger and turns into resentment. As Beyonce would have it, “It’s hard to forgive, when you’re too damn full of resentment.” Take a cue from HOV and B and let her down smoothly. –SOU-Long.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
