A 6’4″, 200-pound man can’t duplicate the complex strength of a 5′ tall lady. I’d like to see a man prepare breakfast, rush the kids off to school, then give an executive a presentation in 4-inch heels—with cramps.
Despite an increase in chivalry and the return of gentleman, millions of contemporary women pride themselves on being able to take care of life on their own. Turn on the radio and you’ll hear Beyonce rallying all independent women to throw their hands up at her, while Webbie provides grammar school lessons spelling out I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. Even Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx get in on the action by congratulating women who don’t need them because they have their own.
In 2010, men are suggested to simply add to what a woman already has. It’s “that take it or leave it” attitude that leaves many men questioning if their role in relationships diminished, with the rise in popularity and acceptance of independent women.
Some argue that ladies have taken too much responsibility away from men, while others argue that men have forced women into independence. Regardless of the cause, there is no argument that we need to meet on common ground. There must be balance in partnerships. The real problem lies in the definition of the word independent.
If you can’t rely on your partner, why are you in a relationship? A relationship is a union; the word implies connectivity, and two people can’t be connected without relying on each other. We should strive for interdependence. My grandma says, “Although the man is the head the woman is the neck, and the head can’t turn without the neck.”
There is nothing wrong with women who are capable of standing alone. Every woman should know how to change a tire, check her oil, pay her mortgage and put food on the table. Survival skills have nothing to do with companionship. However, when in a relationship, a woman must let the man be the man, and the man must be a man. Too much independence negates the purpose of a relationship.
Ladies, don’t emasculate your man at every turn by letting him know that you can do it by yourself because you just might find yourself by yourself. Too much independence will leave you alone.
Men, this message is to you: She kills her own spiders, pumps her own gas, makes her own cash and takes care of her own behind. Even though she can do all these things by herself, she still wants to be able to trust in you and your direction. Step into your roll as a man. Women can’t take the responsibility from us, nor can they give it back. We’ve relinquished it and must regain it. “GentleMAN up!”
So many men want a Michelle, but don’t want to do the Barack work. Our beautiful women are living their lives without us. When will we realize that their celebration of independence is making us both lone souls.
– Enitan Bereola, II
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Bereola is the go-to style and etiquette impresario, public speaker and entrepreneur. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate. He is working on his follow-up, Guide to Ladies’ Etiquette from a Gentleman’s Perspective. Find him at www.twitter.com/Bereolaesque and at www.facebook.com/Bereolaesque
